CHAPEL HILL, NC - Things have gotten interesting in the few days that I've been in this brainy oasis in the massive sea of rednecks and some of my (and your, I would imagine) worst fears have been confirmed. It looks like there's a centuries-old cult operating in the hills outside of town and they've adapted to modern times. From what I've been able to piece together from interviews and research, the Chorazos have finally made it to our shores. This deadly and despicable gathering have been kicked out of countries all across Europe over the past 5 centuries.

From what I have been able to gather, the Chorazos cult was exiled from Romania sometime in the 16th century for acts deemed "too violent for description." My Romanian's admittedly rough, but considering how violent Europe was in the 1500s, color me nervous. They then moved to England around 1565 and lived a rather quiet existence (as far as public record goes) until 1664-6, when they were accused of witchcraft on several occasions, including bringing the Great Plague to London and then later, starting the Great Fire. Piecing together information from the time, I think it's more likely that they were involved in early examples of bio-engineering. It's clear that they were far ahead of their time in many ways, including evildoing.

In 1666 they were exiled to Scotland, an period which only lasted until 1707, when the Act of Union combined England and Scotland into one country. It is thought that this is when they made their way to the Colonies in North America, but there is some evidence that they had been using the cover of England's Imperial expansion to start chapters in India via the East India Trading Company in 1600 and even as far back as Sir Francis Drake's voyage to the West Indies in 1570.

Modern record have the cult's HQ in upstate New York, near the Attica state penitentiary. The modern incarnation of the cult has embraced modern technology and have been implicated in several incidences of hacking and the spreading of computer viruses and "malware." To what purposes, I am not sure but it's ain't the advancement of lolcats. They seem to be an organized and wide-spread group with a history of the most horrific and violent evil and are almost certainly behind these murders. I sure am glad I have a Mac. Beware cultists! Eddie Pope is on your trail!